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Almost every time that I share my profession with others, I am met with a myriad of facial expressions and awkward ges-tures that reflect a sort of discomfort and general misunderstand-ing about what I do. The only common thread in public perception seems to be that it’s hard and terribly sad.
Open Journal PUBLISHERS Opinion A Perspective on Working in Hospice and Grief * Lindsey Ingle, BSc* Hospice Care Consultant/Hospice Educator, Kindred Hospice, Lenexa, Kansas, USA * *Corresponding author Lindsey Ingle, BSc Hospice Care Consultant/Hospice Educator, Kindred Hospice, Lenexa, Kansas, USA; E-mail: Linz66213@yahoo.com Article information th rd rd Received: September 9 , 2020; Accepted: September 23 , 2020; Published: October 3 , 2020 Cite this article SIngle L.A perspective on working in hospice and grief. Palliat Med Hosp Care Open J. 2020; 6(2): 15. doi: 10.17140/PMHCOJ-6-137 lmost every time that I share my profession with others, I am every day. It’s known that we were there for a patient that was in an met with a myriad of facial expressions and awkward ges- immense amount of pain, and we provided comfort. It’s knowing A tures that reflect a sort of discomfort and general misunderstand- that the paperwork and the preparation for death for a daughter ing about what I do. The only common thread in public perception that lives states away is completed because we were able to step in seems to be that it’s hard and terribly sad. Hard in the sense that with a clear mind and get it done for her. It’s known that the job it takes a very special and different human being to stare death in we do and the service to these families is bigger and goes beyond the face every day and be able to cope, understand and deal with the death itself.
the cycle of life and to be able to stay focused and strong for other families.
But in all of that, I know that myself and every single consultant/nurse/chaplain/social worker that I have worked Most of my friends greet me with things like, “I don’t know alongside of, has had their moment. It’s typically in a car in the how you do that job!” or “I could never do what you do.” Or even, “how do back of a parking lot, or in an office behind a closed door. We you not cry every single day?” I have to be honest that when I meet with share in your grief. We feel your loss. We understand that the world families in their darkest of hours, there is a self-preparation that just lost a special person. We feel it and we allow ourselves to feel goes a long with it. There is a mental shell that I place myself in. I it. Sometimes when we have really become part of your family, we understand that when I push open the door and walk into a hospi- feel it in your presence, while holding your hand and we get to feel tal room filled with emotions and uncertainty, that I have the ability it with you.
to be the light. I am there to guide them and give answers to ques- tions to the best of my ability. Questions that are dark and intense. I have felt the gravity of losing a parent. I feel it everyday. Questions that evoke tears and strike pain. Sometimes its questions The words and kindness of my Mother’s hospice nurses are still that I myself do not have the ability to answer such as time frames. there six years after her death. I can see their faces in my mind, I If only we all had a crystal ball. That shell I placed myself in al- can feel the comfort of their words and the guidance that they pro- lows me to be capable of being there to comfort these families in vided. Those words and those faces are what changed my course there time of need. I know that their grief is not my grief. I know to be able to do the same for others going through this journey. that their journey is not my own. There is a disconnect that hap- So when I am greeted with “How can you do that job?” my response pens. It’s a purposeful disconnect, because I am not there to add is “How could I not?” “If not me then whom?” Death is scary, death is to their discomfort. I am there in hopes that for a moment, I can sad, death is unknown. But death should be as beautiful as birth. A take a piece of it away. There is a stigma that because we work with life should be as respected upon departure as it was upon arrival. death every day, that we become desensitized to it. We don’t. It’s To think that the words I have said in someone’s time of need will an unusual normal that hospice providers work in. It’s known that ring true years after their loved one is gone, is the best gift I could the services we render provide an enormous amount of relief, and ever give someone.
in that we become okay with seeing death and living through death Submit your article to this journal | https://openventio.org/submit-manuscript/ cc Copyright 2020 by SIngle L. This is an open-access article distributed under Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License (CC BY 4.0), which allows